Putting it out there in 2014!

Hey everyone!

So as you know, I was on a very popular weight loss show a few years ago & that’s how most of you know me! It was the greatest experience of my life & I made life long friends & learned so much about what works & what doesn’t work for myself & my overall health for life! I feel like all great things require learning both wonderful & not so wonderful things to make it the best experience (just my opinion).

With that being said, YES, I was on a TV show…but NO, the show does NOT define me, nor does my weight. I feel as though that is a very large misconception out there about what is on TV and the reality of the situation. At the end of the day, every single contestant is a REAL person with REAL feelings and REAL emotions who legitimately just wanted to get their lives back. The show is based on numbers on the scale, but if you really think that is the WHOLE picture, then you need to take a step back and look at what is really going on. The scale, again in my opinion, is a very small portion of overall health & it is important to know that, ESPECIALLY as a fan of the show.

When we are at the ranch, all we do is fight for a number. I totally understand for the sake of what we are doing….going from morbidly obese individuals to healthy and fit individuals is the point. There is more to that than weight. And for me, losing 230 pounds plus having skin removal surgery made me LOOK like a completely different person. And I changed in SO many ways for the better!

But I also let some of the other superficial things get to me. For example…I weighed in at 213 pounds at my finale. To most, that was not “skinny enough” and I can’t tell you how many THOUSANDS of people kept saying “keep going so you can get to your goal weight!” or “Hope you get to 150 soon!” amongst many other things. The REALITY of the situation is that, according to the doctor, I WAS at my goal weight. I WAS at the weight that I am supposed to live at for life.  213 pounds for a woman? No way. Well…WAY! I’ll NEVER weigh 150 pounds. I have an extreme amount of muscle for a woman, so the number on the scale isn’t going to reflect the same way it does for someone standing next to me. I was born strong and I am PROUD OF THAT (now), but I didn’t understand that coming off the show. I was so proud of how far I had come, but all I could think about is how far I had left to go…and I just wanted to make everyone happy.

There have been many days where I told myself “you need to lose more weight” and I obsessed over the scale. I didn’t talk about this often because I didn’t want to be “that person”. This only happened for a short time until I MADE myself stop. I knew from losing 112 pounds on my own before I ever stepped foot on the ranch that I was mentally strong…and the entire journey was MENTAL. But I found myself letting my mind getting the best of me.

I found that what I manifested (I was too fat, I had too far to go, comparing myself to others) is what I became. It was SOO unlike me to think this way. Ask anyone who has known me forever and they will tell you I have always been a confident person, even when I weighed close to 450 pounds. Literally. I found myself starting to be something I didn’t want to be and started to go backwards…more so mentally than physically, but a little of both…and I didn’t like it. I told myself all of the wrong things and ultimately it negativity affected me.

It wasn’t until the beginning of last year (2013) that I started seeing the WHOLE picture. I started seeing that it was NOT just about weight and it was about health. I started doing my own research about what it means to be healthy. To my surprise, that DOESN’T mean eating foods that are all zero calories just for the sake of eating low calories when all those foods contain are chemicals. That meant to eat nutrient dense food and eat plenty of them. I learned that healthy fat doesn’t make me fat…it actually helps me burn it more. I learned that sugar is really not okay for MY body, even if it is in the form of a 50 calorie snack. If a 50 calorie snack has 10 grams of sugar…that is a problem for me. These are all things I didn’t understand before. Truly. I know it sounds crazy, but I just didn’t. Since the very beginning of when I started losing weight, all I did was count calories and exercise. I even got to the point of eating WAY too little, which is ultimately what affected me and my metabolism so bad and I have had to fight for the past year to build it back up. I can say I am successfully doing that now, and I am so happy.

I have learned A LOT from this process. The most important thing I have learned is that I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to be what someone thinks I should look like. I have gained about 40 pounds back (and still kept off around 200 pounds…how can I be upset with that?) and I feel as though I have been very open about it all. But it was from manifesting all of the wrong things. It was all MENTAL. It was all from over thinking. It was all not seeing how far I had actually come. I see it now. And nothing & no one can take it from me…ever :)

I am committing this year to being the BEST VERSION OF MYSELF that I have ever been. That has nothing to do with a scale. That has nothing to do with what other people think of me or tell me I should do. It has everything to do with ME. And loving ME for ME. And I can honestly say that I DO!!! I am so happy. And I am so proud of myself for not giving up. It’s not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up…truly!!! I believe that now that I am fully understanding this concept again, EVERYTHING will fall into place the way it should…weight, self-worth, health and happiness!

I hope that any of you reading this who may have had some ups and downs in your life read this and see that self-worth and being happy with who you are, what you’ve done, and where you’re going is the most important thing in life. I don’t have all of the answers. I’m certainly not perfect. I’ve messed up a lot in the past and I will mess up again. But I do have a strong mind and I have faith in myself that I will do all that I need to do to live the healthiest life possible forever.

I love me. I love Courtney Lynn Crozier. And I hope that you love you too. Here’s to an AMAZING & HEALTHY 2014!!! WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!!

 

PS–I also must say that I feel SO INCREDIBLY BLESSED to have the “fans” (I hate saying that…I like to say FRIENDS!) that I have gained through this entire process. Even though I have haters sometimes, for every hater there are 10,000 WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL souls who support & love me daily…and I can’t thank you all enough for that!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the energy you give me too!

 

living

 

Comments

  1. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you put yourself out there like that for all of us to see! I’ve been a huge “fan”(friend is much better!) since I first learned of your story on BL. I have been dealing with my own weight loss & journey to health for the past 14 years. I have had times where I tried & times where I didn’t…and all the ups & downs! It is encouraging to me to hear from you that it is all mental & that it isn’t just about the scale! There truly is so much more to health & fitness. I’m still learning too! But I want to thank you for your willingness to be so transparent. If you’re ever in the Seattle area, let me know! I would love to meet up & get in a workout!! All the best for 2014….

    • bl11courtney says:

      Thanks so much, Shannon!! I want to visit Seattle SOOO bad!! It would be awesome to meet up if I do make it there! :) Also…I do believe we are all in this together, which is why I try to put myself out there as much as possible! I was given a platform to be REAL! There are so many ups and downs in this life, but I think we all need to know we aren’t alone!! I wish you the very best!

      • Hi Courtney

        Waves all the way from Kuwait! You are an amazing woman and such an inspiration…you’re the only BL contestant I even follow on FB!

        Please keep up the great work and so happy you’ve found love! xoxo

        http://www.KuwaitBites.com

        • bl11courtney says:

          Hey Heather!! Wow, thank you soooo much for your kind words! KUWAIT! So awesome!! I hope to visit there someday! I want to travel the world…and that WILL happen (even if I’m 60! hehe). Thanks again for your support & love! You’re awesome, lady! xoxo

        • bl11courtney says:

          PS…I just looked at your blog! LOVE the YoNanas machine!!

  2. Ashlee Montgomery says:

    Courtney, you are an inspiration, girlfriend! When I first saw you on Loser, you struck a chord with me. We’re around the same age, had similar starting weights, stuff like that. I had just recently had Gastric Bypass surgery, (a controversial decision), and I had dealt with some of the pressure of being on TV, (not nearly as much as yourself, I was on the news), and so everything you’re saying here is ridiculously familiar! Obviously not to the same scale, but I get it. I am just SO glad that you were able to start doing some research and mental work and are still that sparkly, devoted, super inspirational girl that I rooted for on Loser. Of course you have people who hate or spread negative karma, because it really irks some people to see others so happy and at peace. Peaceless people are troubled by peaceful people. This blog took a lot of courage to write and put out there, especially when you KNOW it’s going to be read and judged by total strangers. I’ve always thought you were someone to be applauded, and this is no exception. Your self-acceptance is really inspiring and motivational to me. As a person with a story to tell, I know that we only want to have a positive impact on *someone*. I’ve often said that if one person hears my story and gets help or even just feels a little spark of hope or a little less alone, then everything I’ve gone through was worth it. And girl, everything you’ve been through was worth it! Thanks for giving this girl some hope tonight! Take care of you and continue to be well!

    -Ashlee

    • bl11courtney says:

      Ashlee….you just put me in tears, girl! Thank you so much for your kind words! I am SOOO proud of you! I think you made a BRAVE decision to have the surgery! I have family members that have had a lot of success using the surgery as a tool to be as healthy as possible!! It is not easy for any of us, but it is always worth it! Just from reading your comment it seem as though YOU are also a sparkly and wonderful person!! Sometimes I can just tell ;) Thank you so much again for your support and love & just know I am always here if you need anything! I wish you the absolute best!

      • Ashlee Montgomery says:

        I’m totally NOT a stalker, but I’d love to chat sometime! I have been called “sparkly” a time or two, yes. LOL.

        • Ashlee Montgomery says:

          I also just realized that saying I’m not a stalker doesn’t exactly make me look credible. Sigh. I’m awkward like this. ;)

  3. Samantha cude says:

    I have battled weight all my life and started losing 12 years ago but it has been up and down. Only been more consistent since finding a love of exercise that even though I have tried before never enjoyed. I am always so glad when a young person gets healthy. I wish I could have discovered this path before rather than finding it in my 40′s. Still gotta be happy with nearly 80lbs down and gym 6 times a week cos I want to :)

  4. Amelia Cutadean says:

    Very nice post. I too have started 2014 with a “best me” attitude. I have not fully defined what that means but I know it means really focussing on what I want and blocking out so much of the “influence” that is confusing. I am thankful for all of the info I have at my finger tips via the internet and TV but it becomes overwhelming at times and leaves me feeling like I have know idea which “plan” is right. Bottom line is that I have always been a proponent of eating healthy whole foods. No gimmicks. Moving more and eating healthy foods. I need to get back to that. To not compare what I am doing to what anyone else is doing. Thank you for the inspiration. It sounds like you are also discovering new things, learning news things as well. Life is deinately a continued learning experience. Keep on keeping on. I really like following you. ;-)

    • bl11courtney says:

      I love this!! I am the same way. Eating whole foods is SO important! I don’t know why it is so easy to forget that sometimes. I guess it’s the world we live in! ;) But again…all mental and all our own choices! I’m rooting for you!!! Here’s to 2014!!

  5. This is such a beautiful post by such a beautiful girl, both inside and out. You are an inspiration to so many, some you see and some who don’t even get the opportunity to tell you. I know that you inspire me on a daily basis in your positivity, your warmth, your kindness, your will, your drive, and your passion for life. You are an amazing woman who has the world at her fingertips. You have so many more chapters to write in this book you call life and if they are anything like the first few chapters they will be spectacular!

    • bl11courtney says:

      I love you so much babe!!! Thank you for allowing me to be ME…the good, the bad, and the ugly!! You help make me the best version of myself…I love you! My better half and my soul mate! <3

  6. Thank you for being so open. I believe you’ve done such a great job of connecting with everyone who reaches out to you. Thanks for keeping it real and honest and reminding us we aren’t alone. Xo

  7. This was like reading about my own weight problems. Oh the muscles we have!! I like that I can lift more than most guys I work with, but I also wish I could wear boots. My massive calves don’t allow for the cute boots:)
    I also decided to try eating natural foods… I felt great until Christmas when I thought it was o.k. because, well, it’s Christmas?? Ugh..
    I am back on the wagon though.. I travel all over the country for my job so I have to plan ahead for snacks in the car..
    I’m not perfect, and maybe I will never have the “perfect” body, but I’m learning to be perfectly happy just living healthy.

    Courtney.. You have worked so hard to be where you are and where you are going. I wish you the best on your life journey. I hope you keep that beautiful smile and live your life for YOU!! Stay amazing girl!

    • bl11courtney says:

      It’s all about getting back on the wagon…NO MATTER WHAT! We have to take this life one choice at a time!! Period. We deserve that and we deserve to live happy and healthy lives! I’m rooting for you, love! XOXO

  8. Courtney you are amazing and an inspiration to me! I was told by my doctor after losing an enormous amount of weight that my body probably wouldn’t give up any more weight. I was told by many not to listen to that. I gained a lot ( about half of what I lost) but have found a diet that works for me and am on my way back down. I’ve lost 53 pounds since Oct. 21. I am eating healthy and never hungry. I have given up sugar too. Thanks so much for your postings/ blog it really does help.

    • bl11courtney says:

      You GO, Joan!!! I know the exact feeling. It’s just crazy that our society bases so much on a scale when EVERY SINGLE PERSON is made differently and we all have different muscle structures. It’s just hard to say what WEIGHT is healthy. So much more than that! So glad you picked yourself back up and kept going!! XOXO

  9. I sit with tears in my eyes. I really needed to read this today. I have gone up and down with my weight in my life more times than I like to think about. I am on an up time now and not happy with myself. I SO understand the talking negative to/about myself. Which I have been doing. It doesn’t help, does it? It just makes me feel worse. I am human. This happens. It has always been a struggle, it always will be. I am going to work on getting that 20 off I gained back this last year-I never let myself gain back more than that for some reason… I had an eye opening experience once when I was talking bad about myself in front of my daughter, calling myself fat, etc. I haven’t done it since! Now if I would learn to not do it at all! You have a fantastic attitude. Thank you for sharing this!!!

    • bl11courtney says:

      We are all human, darling! And you ONLY deserve the best…even from yourself!! MOSTLY from yourself, actually! Wishing you all the best!! XOXO

  10. WOW! You truly are an amazing person. Thank you for putting it all out there! everyday I’m learning to love myself. Its not easy, but I’m learning. Every strep is a journey and I’m making my journey a good one. Transforming myself from the inside out.

  11. I continue to follow you and draw inspiration from you, and watched you on BL – your accomplishments and attitude continue to make me want to be a better version of my own self. I started at 242 (my highest, this time last year) and am down to 209 now (can’t remember when my weight started with a 2 and a 0). But more than that, I am becoming more confident and “okay” with myself, even when the scale doesn’t say what I think it should. Who is that scale to say what kind of person I am? My goal this year is to run a half marathon – I have severe spinal arthritis and bone spurs in my spine, and have been strugging through the pain, but I am going to do it!! I’m signing up for the Divas Half Marathon in Myrtle Beach in April, and come hell or high water, I will be crossing that finish line! I know I will cry when that day comes, because I never thought of myself as “that person” — but it’s because of people like you, who put themselves out there and publicly show the world that we are defined by more than a number and a size and a label that inspire me every day to keep going, to keep pushing. So Courtney, thank you so much for inspiring this woman and sending out the positive mojo that some of us so desperately need. You are a great shining light who is only getting brighter with time! Peace.

    • bl11courtney says:

      You are amazing, darling! I am so proud of you! Take it one CHOICE at a time and keep on doing what you are doing. Happiness from the inside out is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. <3 So proud of you!!

  12. You really are an inspiration! I loved watching you and your mom on BL, especially when I realized you only live about an hour away from me. There’s something about rooting for a “local” girl. :) It takes so much courage to get on the scale in front of the entire world and share your journey. I think it’s amazing that you continue to show you journey and daily struggles. I think it’s easy to forget that BL isn’t a “fix” by any means, and that there are real struggles to come home to. As someone who also struggles and feels pressure to be a certain size or weight, it’s nice to hear your push for being healthy not skinny! :) Keep up the good work!

  13. Courtney- thank you so much for being you and putting it out there in “real” form! I love following you and seeing how far you have come in your journey. You are truly an inspiration to everyone!

  14. That was a wonderful read and I totally get it! We, my daughter and I, were fans of yours when you were on the show and I follow you even now, as I do many of your friends, just to see how you’re doing because we got to know you as real people and not just TV personalities! Be blessed and stay healthy! <3

  15. Shaun Fraley says:

    Wow, thank you so much! I can identify with what you have said a lot. I in many ways did the opposite. I over educated myself and fell into tthe trap of not doing. I was scared of everything and ultimaly hit a wall. Thank you for opening up and sharinf. Your words encourage me.

    • bl11courtney says:

      I understand the overeducating too. I have been learning SO much lately and it’s just so much to take in. At the end of the day, we all have to figure out what works for our bodies and our MINDS!! Thanks for your insight!! XOXO

  16. TraciNelson says:

    Courtney
    So proud of you, you are right about many things you have said and that’s part of the growth process, we are all going to have different goal weights, different struggles, different triggers, emotions, etx… But when it comes down to it, we are all human and that’s the bottom line

  17. You know, this weightloss/exercise journey isn’t just about weight and health…it’s about challenging ourselves and realizing we CAN do things we never thought we could do! Once we learn it’s not JUST about the scale or a diet, that it’s about personal growth and confidence, then we can embrace the journey. And that is what you’ve done. You’ve embraced the journey and you know that you CAN do things that you’d never in a million years thought you could do. And that is why your posts are so important. Your story is a testimony of empowerment. Rock on, Courtney. It’s been fun to “watch” you blossom.

    • bl11courtney says:

      EXACTLY!! It is so much more than meets the eye. And I think that’s where the true happiness comes. Thank you for your support!! XOXOX

  18. Shared!! I just can’t begin to say how beautiful and encouraging and profound you are, sweet girl. You make such an impact on so many lives because of your courage and confidence to make public your deepest heart. I KNOW that weight and identity are so incredibly private and vulnerable topics, and I’d be willing to be that putting it all out on TV doesn’t make you except from still feeling that vulnerability! But YOUR courage is OUR gain. I draw so much strength and inspiration from you, and I hope you know how worthwhile your openness is for so many of us. You touch lives on a daily basis, and I am just SOOOOOO proud of you and of who you are! I consider you an important “friend” and I hope someday I get to hug your neck! Thank you for who you are and for how you share with the world. Your life shines in every way!!!

    • bl11courtney says:

      I love ya girl!!! Thank you for always being one of my biggest supporters! It means more than you know! :) I also hope that someday we get to meet!! I am SURE we will!!! :) Always, always praying & rooting for you!! XOXO

  19. Oops! That should last comment of mine should say “I’d be willing to BET that putting it on tv…” But anyway! You rock! :)

  20. I’ve been a fan of The Biggest Loser for years, and was sooo excited to see “home” town girls on the show! Once that shared your story I not only cheered you on because of where you were from but for the Amazing Strong woman that you were and are. We are determined by what we weigh, I’ve weighed a lot, at one time over 600, and after losing over 450, It amazed me how different people treated me! I was still the same person on the inside, that had been stared at and ridiculed for the way I looked, people way to often judge from the outside and it’s so wrong!you views about loving yourself is right on!!! We ARE not just a number !! We are people first, and the number should matter not at all! But being healthy is the important thing! I feel better physically, and I love my new life, as I’m sure you do, but how a person looks is not so very important to make people feel not good about themselves! You are a wonderful example for so many I know you inspired me so much! Keep up the great work!!!!

    • bl11courtney says:

      WOW, Dawn! You are SO awesome!!! Keep on being who you are and loving yourself. I am so so so proud of you for all you’ve accomplished and the woman that you are!! XOXO

  21. Courtney, Thank you so much for being so real. I have been on a weight loss journey for almost a year and your words have been so encouraging and motivating when I feel like giving up. I have certainly had success on my journey and it’s amazing how with some success people can put so much pressure on you so I can understand where you are coming from. Ha just because we have weight loss success doesn’t make us robots…..we are still human at the end of the day!! I put enough pressure on myself so i dont really need it from anyone else :) I can’t begin to tell you how refreshing and encouraging you have been for me. I still go back and read your “trust your struggle” post. I haven’t had much weight loss in the last few months and I’m constantly worried about the number on the scale! This is just what I needed to read this morning!! You are awesome!! Sending much love from Illinois!!

  22. What an inspiration you are!! BL is one of my favorite shows, but you have been the only one that ever impacted me. Don’t ever lose your determination, your drive and MOST importantly, DO NOT ever lose your positive way of thinking!! I read your posts, and you seem like the perfect best friend or Sister; so encouraging, so inspirational!! :) One thing that has become more of a reality for my husband and I, is that negativity just brings down an entire being, your whole world and creeps up in everything you do, IF allowed, but if one chooses positivity, it will have the same affect, just for the good! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing such positivity for SO many, for me… The world needs more of you! You are touching more and more lives everyday!! You have just made my day for sure!! I pray you ALL the very best in life!! You are a truly awesome person, and you deserve it! Keep doing what you’re doing, Courtney… God is smiling down on you!

  23. It’s a journey that never ends. I originally lost 80lbs and have gained back about 5lbs doing marathons and part of me wants to go back down to lose those 5lbs. While there is nothing wrong with a goal, sometimes, we need to step back like you did and see what’s healthy for ME. Now, I’m going to always be working on myself, but no one but YOU should define you and your happiness. It took me a lot longer to love the new, healthier me than it did to lose the weight. Now, I focus on being happy and healthy and the rest just comes along with it.

    I am SO happy for you and what you’ve accomplished. Losing weight and maintaining that loss is NOT easy. But, it’s a full circle journey like you said. It’s not all about the scale.

  24. I can’t begin to tell you… And you’ve heard it a million times… But you are such an inspiration…. As a woman… In weight loss.. In just being a human being. I love following your journey.. You give me hope… Hope that someday I’ll be able to stop having to start over because I keep giving up.. I’m trying so hard to change habits and lifestyle… It is so hard.. I have 2 kids and my hubby… And they are all on board and ready and willing.. But its me…. I’m so stuck and I can’t seem to get out if my own way…. I thank you for being honest and open with your fan-friends.. It shows us all… Its OK to be human…. Its OK to to mess up…. Its about not giving up and its about not losing faith… I hope someday to meet you…. If your ever in or around Modesto Calif. I’ll be the first in line to buy a ticket or whatever I need to do… Thank you for being so sweet and thank your parents… Who created and raised one amazing human being!! We all need to have a little bit more Courtney sparkle in us… The world would be a much better place!!

  25. Rachel Segovia says:

    Hi Courtney!

    I would like to first off say that you are truly inspiring. The confidence you had on the show and in your daily life are amazing. I’ve dedicated this year to being a better version of me. A few years ago I weighed about 265 pounds and decided that was it I needed to get healthy. I lost 110 pounds in one year and then thought I could be one of those people that could eat whatever they wanted, still work out and be fine. Turns out, I couldn’t. Like you, I had to learn what would work for my body and what wouldn’t. Over the past two years I have been struggling, I feel I lost my happiness somewhere along the way and started focusing on the scale as I kept seeing it creep up. I’m now 40 pounds heavier and told myself again this is it. I cannot let myself be in the 200s again. It is nice to know that I am not the only one that this has happened to. I look forward to 2014 being a great year for me and it has started out that way so far. Thank you for being in this with me! If you are ever in Texas give me a shout :)

  26. Courtney, you inspire me on a daily basis! I am so very proud of you and the courage you have to “put it all out there.” I fell in love with you on the show and have been a “fan/friend” ever since! This year is also a turning point for me. God has finally gotten me to realize that I need to change my habits and get back to exercising for the RIGHT reasons; mainly because it is going to save my life! I was trying to do it to please others and it ended up only making me feel miserable, confused, and scared. So, for Christmas I bought myself a ONE YEAR membership to a brand new gym that’s moving into our local mall. It opens tomorrow and I’m so excited! I’m taking care of ME, just because I’m ME! My mission is to lose 100 pounds, but I’m not tied to the scale this time. In fact, I haven’t weighed in the last 14 days. I used to weigh every single morning and whatever the scale said would dictate my attitude for the day. :( Not anymore. I’m going to listen to my body and my mind, not that stupid piece of metal! It only indicates a number, but doesn’t measure me as a person! :):)
    I’m with ya, all the way! And if you EVER get to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, you should look me up! I’m only about 30 minutes away; we could hike the Smokies!

  27. Courtney you are a beautiful woman. Your story inspires me. I am a big girl too. I lost weight the wrong way to get to what people told me was “healthy” to the point where my hair was falling out. I had everyone telling me how great I looked because I was thinner, but no one said a thing about the dark circles under my eyes or my suddenly thin, dry hair. I had a revolution that what I was doing was not healthy and when I ate real food again I gained more weight than I could ever have imagined. At almost 300 lbs now, I am at a point where I HAVE to lose the weight to be healthy but I have been so afraid to do it for fear of getting to the point where I was 10 years ago. I really understand your posts like you can’t imagine and I am trying my very best to get to a healthy me. Please do not EVER let what people say about how you look modify how you FEEL. I did and I regret it every day. You are a wonderful person regardless of what anyone (besides yourself) thinks of how you look physically!

  28. Rosanne Mitchell says:

    Courtney, like many others, I have liked you and your amazing charisma and attitude toward helping others by sharing what you know. I, too, have always struggled with weight, though I’m now learning that the key for me is exercise. Gyms were not a part of my culture as I am 69 1/2 years old-70, the good Lord willing in August!! Probably the best thing I ever did for myself was purchasing a gym membership within two weeks of retirement in the fall of 2006. I did go fairly regularly and worked with a personal trainer but didn’t really learn to “love” working out until this past couple of years. Sometimes Life happens and it gets us “off track” as to the whys of the journey. I, too, have learned so much about myself and now find the gym to be one of my happy places, even when putting myself through the rigors of a workout. I have learned to not stress about food so much, and if I have something that I normally wouldn’t eat, I make up for it within the next day or two. Curiously, I found a potentially harmful behavior rearing its head just yesterday morning, when I discovered myself eating some leftovers I didn’t want, and acting like someone I must have known in my past! I quickly put them away and told myself I would not indulge in behavior that was self-destructive and not healthy. When I started the last time on this journey, which is now for life, I told myself and others that my primary commitment was to being as healthy and fit as possible. It’s exciting for this old gal to see muscles and the strength I have acquired, and the added bonus is that I have lost weight in the process. My goal is to keep losing while maintaining a healthy diet and exercise regimen and lose 20 lbs., as this would put me at the lowest weight I have seen since forever!!! Please continue to share yourself and your journey with others as I know this is not only a part of who you are, but something you are supposed to do. Take care and have a great day, and may 2014 be a best year for all of us!!

  29. Damn girl! That is putting it out there. So many of us share those feelings and fears and all the other stuff and sometimes we just can’t say it out loud. To hear someone else say it, or read in this case.

    I am figuring out what works best for me and what doesn’t. I can’t follow what someone else does. It took me a long time to get where I am at mentally and I tell you Courtney, I AM IN LOVE WITH ME!!! I can’t wait to read more from my friend and see where her road leads. You inspire me to not give up and to just keep on moving. If you are ever in the Tampa area, ya gotta come visit and work out with me! Till then, keep doing what you are doing. Much love!

  30. Courtney! You are such an inspiration and keep it up girl!! This year Im trying to surround myself with uplifting and honest people. You are beautiful and someone I look up to. There are so many people rooting for you! Your awesome and dont let anyone tell you otherwise! Thank you for sharing your journey :)
    Lacey

  31. I love this blog post. It is kinda where I am right now with my weight loss. I know what works I just can’t make myself do it. However I know I am worth it and I had already decided I am getting a treadmill next payday to kickstart my new life. You are such an inspiration and I love everything you do to help others!

  32. Lynn Williams says:

    Thanks for being such an AMAZING “friend”! I have lost and gained and so on and so forth. I am 40 years old and right now my mind set is, it’s easier to be fat. I know what I have to do just don’t want too. It’s so overwhelming when you have SO much to lose. Your inspiration helps a lot but my fear overcomes it. I wish I had someone like you to motivate me!

    • Hey Lynne.. I know your comment was for Courtney, but I just wanted to say something.. I was the same way for a long time. I missed out on some pretty fun stuff in my early 20′s because it was easier to be the fat girl. 5 years ago I decided to try.. I mean really try. I lost 36 lbs and felt great!! Then I gained it back. For 5 years I did this.. 5 years later I have consistently kept 70 lbs off.. I was as much as 100lbs lighter last summer.. It used to disgust me.. and I had this bright idea to give away all my clothes that were too big.. I mean ALL.. I didn’t even keep a “fat” outfit to compare to later down the road.

      Then I gained 30 lbs in a month at the holidays.. nothing fit!!!! I refused to buy new clothes.. I wore my workout gear lol… Finally I can wear my jeans again.. A bit tight.. but they are on. . Anyway.. moral of my story is.. yes.. it does take a long time to lose the weight sometimes, but it only takes a second to decide to do it…Don’t stop trying!! Don’t trash yourself when you “mess” up.. get back on the wagon the next day or the day after that.. just get back on!! Love yourself enough to try…it will happen.. just remember to keep loving yourself..:) good luck girl!!

  33. Amy Helms says:

    I watched you on Biggest Loser and fell in love with you. To me you were someone I could relate to in so many ways, like kindred spirits. I have been struggling with my weight for 13 years with no success. I can’t say I love myself now but I hope in 2014 I will learn to and lose the weight that has dragged me down for so long. I continue to follow you on facebook and my dream would be just to spend a day with you soaking up your outlook on life.
    Love you

    • Lisa Ordono says:

      Courtney, You are a blessing and I love the fact that you “publically” announced a truth many don’t know: we are all not destined to be 150 lbs (or less) – we come in many sizes and it’s not the number on the scale, but the other numbers that count. Cholesterol, BP, etc. determine health and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the fact that we don’t have to all be stick thin to be healthy. I am 40 yrs. old and have been “overweight” my entire life since age 6. I am healthy, just bigger than others and I AM OKAY with that. I do strive to eat better for me, to do exercise to keep BP in check but I have to live a life that isn’t defined by a mold. You inspired so many and I know there are “haters” out there, but your spirit shines so bright, you are stronger than they are and I just pray that so many others will look at you as a motivator as I know i have.

  34. This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I keep telling myself “how many times can I allow myself fall until I can no longer pick myself back up?” It’s easy to get back up when you believe wholeheartedly that you ARE worth it…but obsessing over things like the scale and caloric intake can definitely be the biggest obstacle to picking yourself back up. It’s taken me a long time to realize that nutrient dense foods are the way to go, after “starving” my body for years with crappy foods or “low calorie snacks” with little to no nutritional value. Thank you for putting this out there and showing us your struggles. It definitely gives me the confidence to pick myself back up again and again each time I fall. Even a scale cannot measure how thankful I am for that.

  35. Liz Skorski says:

    Hey Courtney. Like most I seen your struggle on the biggest loser. Way to go girl.. As like you I had a struggle of my own and now the struggle is beginning to kill me. I was 350 pounds. I began working out and eating right and lost 70 pounds. At 280 I hit my platue and through cut calories. I was barely eating 600 calories a day and working out 3-4 hours daily. All of a sudden I put 20 pounds on. My body was in stravation mode and I was fighting to loose weight. Over the past year I decided to go for gastric bypass but instead of loosing weight I gained more. I then developed gastric ulcer which have taking over my life. I throw up daily and barely can do anything. I been putting on the weight with this illness but everything has been stumping doctors. I was called a liar by a few because of the weight gain and massive vomiting. I am deathly afraid that if I don’t regain myself I will loose my life. I currently weigh 335 pounds. I need a friend. Please help me regain my life back with support

  36. Kim Prather says:

    Courtney what you say is so true. i will never be 130 lbs. I have successfully lost almost 50 lbs by changing to a low carb lifestyle in the last 7 months. I too have found that I try to stay away from anything processed and especially sugars while now eating healthy fats. Thank you so much for your inspiring thoughts and outlook.

  37. Thank you for sharing so much from your heart and your life. All the wisdom and “life” you share continues to help me transfom my own life. I truly have learned so much from you and your mom. Looking forward to getting muddy in June with our UTC family! Love, Wendy

  38. I know what you mean about that. Everyone asks me how much more weight am I going to lose. They all want to know what my goal weight is. All the charts indicate that I’m still “Obese” after having lost over 115 pounds. I tell them the same thing, this was never about being skinny, it was about being healthy, and changing my relationship with food, and being a better me!

  39. All I can say is how much I admire you. I’m a huge fan of the biggest loser and rooted for you from day 1. I’ve never been overweight, but your messages truly can reach to anyone. Anyone can be insecure and you just make me feel so positive. Just so proud of you and how far you’ve come. I truly feel like I know you as a friend lol. Keep it up and keep loving you!!

  40. Hi Courtney…all the way from New Zealand. What an inspirational post :) And I read it thinking the whole time….yep, I can relate to all of that. Thanks for being so open and honest about a lot of stuff that we are all going through :) You are a beautiful person and I hope 2014 is all that you dream of xx

  41. Sherri Bolton says:

    You so inspiring to me Courtney! I have had my loss and gain weight struggles. And now it is affecting my health and I am trying to get more healthy. I am trying to develop good exercise habits.

  42. Ritch Harger says:

    Thanks for this great post as it hits many things I am going throu now. After watching you on the show I decieded to try out for the show the next season. I did not make it to the show and three months later I was in the hospital with blood clots in my lungs. My Dr said I was very close to death, you would think that would want me to start a diet. Did not work that way for me. Reading your post started me thinking and looking at myself and what and where I wanted to go. I have started on my journey for ME AND ONLY ME ! I have lost 75 pounds, working out at the YMCA and I am feeling good about myself. Thanks for the push.

    P.S. I’m a fellow Hoosier

  43. Ashley Brandenburg says:

    Courtney you are amazing, courageous, inspirational, beautiful and the list could go on. There are so many ways to describe how truly wonderful you are. You are open and 100% honest about how you feel Inside and out and that is a hell of a scary thing to do. You give us hope that each and every day can be a better day and pitting mind over matter can be life changing. I honestly could not ask for a better “friend’ to look up to and follow your amazing journey and life through twitter and instagram. You don’t HAVE to take the time to interact with all of us BUT you do and it means the world. When you asked me how I was feeling from my car accident I was shocked that you remembered seeing it. I don’t want to speak for everyone. But thank you for giving ME hope and a better more positve outlook on life in general. As well as being such h an open book on an emotional personal journey <3

  44. You are one tough cookie. I’m watching your season now and I love you and your Mum. You are two strong women

  45. I would just like to say your blog couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve fighting my own weight battle for over 20 years. I see now that I’ve wasted so much time feeling “too fat”, not good enough, not what was considered beautiful. I look back at pictures and see I WAS! now, after three kids, I feel gross. I feel ready to give up. Then I read your story. You’ve loved yourself. That’s where I’ve gone wrong. I can do this. For me. THANK YOU! I can be happy with me. And treat myself better. Love who I am,the rest will come,with hard work, but it will come. =)

  46. Thank you for this post. You should be very proud of all you have accomplished! I personally have over 200 lbs to lose and have been overweight/obese my entire life. I have recently started to re-evaluate what it means to be healthy and to stop trying to chase a number and to just focus on health. It’s been a life long battle and your comments just solidify for me to never stop trying. Thank you!

  47. Courtney so glad you are keeping it real for 2014. You have done such an amazing job at all you have accomplished I mean to have lost that much weight before even getting the show is great in itself! I have been on a similar weight loss struggle and only in the past few months finally reached a goal I thought I would never reach! I finally made it under 150 pounds wear a size 26 jeans and feel amazing. You can understand when I say I NEVER thought I would be here….at my highest weight I was 289 pounds even in high school I was not this small..keep up the good work and stay motivated. You motivate so many!! Thank you!

  48. Hi Courtney, I am a big fan of your blog.
    I am currently struggling to recover from anorexia nervosa. I developed the condition after being obese (six years ago), and losing over 100 lbs and having excess skin hanging off of my body, that can only be fixed by surgery.
    Please, if you can just take the time to read my story here: https://fundly.com/meredith-s-eating-disorder-recovery
    and help me find a way to reach more people, I would be forever grateful. I have struggled for so long, and I am desperate at this point for help. :/

  49. Hey there! I just read through this blog post and every few sentences would nod and “uh-hm” to myself. I am going through the same transformation of weight-loss-obsessive mode to want-to-be-healthy-mode right now. Every year, I make the same resolution…I was to lose so-and-so pounds this year. So for 2014, I decided to change it up. While I still want to lose weight, I want to BE healthy more. That includes eating less crap food and exercising more. It’s really hard when the world is scale obsessive and I do weigh and measure about once a month. I have to remind myself that I am getting stronger and if the scale might not be reflecting the changes in my body. So I am not losing a ton of weight…..my pants are fitting better, I can lift heavier weights, I can ride at max speed on the stationary bike for an hour…..THESE are the things I want to use as my measurements.

    Anyway, you are such an inspiration to a lot of people and I am truly thankful for that TV show for bringing you into our lives. THANK YOU!

  50. I just found this post, Courtney, and had to say THANK YOU!!!!! I loved your attitude and strength you displayed during your BL season. Hearing you apply that now and not being afraid to be YOU is so refreshing!! Keep it up!! You’re an inspiration!

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